Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have fence marks all over my body
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
