This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
