Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
