Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She told me I should be a condom model.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize