were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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