Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize