There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize