We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
