if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
