He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
