At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
