My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
