Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
