someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
