Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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