I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
