I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I could fuck to npr.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I want a musical about memes.
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