Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
