Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
