Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
