My nipple is on Facebook.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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