Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
