sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
