put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
