i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
