Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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