Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
