Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
