i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
