The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
