omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize