I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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