don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
