I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
