I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
