That's intense
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
