doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
