You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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