I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
