my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
