I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
