Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize