I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
