when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it glows. i had to have it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
