do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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