Already got asked if we're dating
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
