put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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