Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
