I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh god it's open bar.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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