sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
