Sry I called you an 8
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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