So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
