is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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