i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
