I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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