tell your sister to shave her snatch
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
