its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
