I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He literally asked permission to hit on me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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