My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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