i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
