He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
soo... how was my night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
