WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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