After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
