I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
