Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
