We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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